More Fun At The Fair

I made Amy walk around the entire food section at the fair so I could evaluate all of my culinary options, weigh the price-value ratios accordingly, and generate a mental menu of what I wanted to eat. First course, one jumbo smoked turkey leg. I've seen these neanderthalic monster morsels at other events and they always look delicious. Plus it's turkey, that's pretty much a health food. One giant slab-o-turkey for $6. I fork over my money, and the guy hands me a leg like an ice cream cone, with the base wrapped in foil. I was like, uh, how about a plate and maybe a plastic fork and knife? The guy gave me a weird look and started helping the next customer/victim.
These turkey legs may walk the walk, but they don't talk the talk. It actually tasted a lot like ham, I guess from the smoking process. It was very fatty, and absolutely impossible to eat. I tried to bite chunks out of this thing like a savage without getting my face and everything else covered in grease but I was fighting a losing battle. If you ran the numbers you'd probably find that I ate like 45 cents out of my six dollar turkey leg... Too bad this giant apple wasn't for sale to eat. It won 1st place for the goliath fruit competition, weighing in at a whopping 2.06 pounds. It doesn't look that big in the picture but it was about the size of a giant grapefruit.